Umm...Do You Work Here?

"Umm....do you work here?"
- many a Borders Customer

Lately as a Borders employee, I have had many customers (some of them regulars) come into the store and ask me this question. This is a question that I have never been able to understand coming from most Borders customers. What is it that they don't get? And for some reason, this is a question that causes me to feel a strong desire to take my name tag and poke out the customers eyes. So for all of the faithful Borders customers out there who love to preface anything and everything they say to a Borders employee with the unnecessary and stupid phrase "umm....do you work here?" stay extremely far away from me lest your pathetic and worthless vision be in danger of my ruthless name tag.

For those of you out there who commonly use this ignorant phrase and are beginning to understand the unreasonableness of it, here are a few thoughts to support your new revelation:

- I walked up to you and asked you if there was anything that I could do to serve you. How many random people in a retail store have walked up to you and asked you if there is anything that they can do to serve you? I mean, if you are at a circus and you have lost your child, most people will just walk by you and not even bother to help you find your child, let alone a random saint in a bookstore help you find the new book #49 in Oprah's book club.

- I am wearing a 4"x4" name tag that not only has my name on it, but also strongly suggest the idea that I am a Borders employee there to meet your every need by having a rather large Borders logo on it. You may even notice the rather nice Borders insulated mug that I have in my left hand filled with berryblossom tea that also has a Borders logo that wraps from side to side.

- I have a walky-talky attached to my hip, an earpiece to my ear, and a microphone to my chest. I couldn't look more ridiculous unless I worked for Liberty Tax and had to wear that unbearable Uncle Sam costume as I stood out by the street with a giant arrow pointing towards some void over there.

- I'm standing behind a register.

My point is...of course I work here. So if you keep on asking me that same stupid question, I'm going to start walking around the store with my fly unzipped so that you won't want to even get close to me, let alone ask me if I can show you where "that new Oprah book" is.